Just Turn The Page

Just Turn The Page: August 2014

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

REFLECTION: Just Be (Part III) DO OVER! PLEASE?

Lately, it seems as if I keep asking God for a DO OVER. Instead of Just Turning the Page, could I just push the rewind button and start again. Well, I have felt that way since August 1, 2014. That fateful day, I broke my word to a friend, not because I wanted to, but because the path my family was on, turned an entirely different direction; one I could not foresee or anticipate. The weeks leading up to August 1, were filled with twists and turns, confusion, uncertainty, and absolutely no guarantees. What if’s filled my mind, and God’s will seemed hidden. Not to mention, my mother is battling for her life, and that very same day, my family and I we were headed to Missouri for my mother’s open-heart surgery.

You might be asking what this has to do with Just Be, well actually, a lot. Learning to Just Be, is about learning to be ok with ME, including when I make mistakes, hasty decisions, or when I stumble, not just when I make wise choices or do everything right, or the way others think I should be doing something—meaning their way, or how they would do something. Don’t get me wrong, I value wisdom, direction, and insight, but if that wisdom does not lead me to dependence upon God for direction in my life, then what happens is I conform to someone else’s ideas, opinions, and perspective. When that happens, the person God created me to be, the person I am meant to be, gets lost.
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Tuesday, August 19, 2014

REFLECTIONS: Just Be (Part II) Forgive My Inconsistency

Please forgive my inconsistency. I posted the first part of this series on July 23, 2014 expecting that I would be a faithful writer, posting weekly. Actually, my goal is twice a week, which I have failed at miserably— not intentionally mind you, and not even accidentally. The truth falls more in line with what I have been struggling with all along; learning to Just Be. I finally figured out what Just Be means to me. Quite honestly, it has taken the majority of my life to figure it out, and I can say with absolute certainty that despite knowing what it means, it will probably take the rest of my life to live it. I do not mean to sound defeated; however,  it is the truth, and instead of resisting the truth I am embracing it!
Before writing Part I of Just Be, I was really struggling with my purpose as a writer. Questions ran through my mind that stemmed mostly from my own insecurities. Does pouring out my heart on this blog really worth the time and effort it requires? How does my life, and the things I have experienced, learned, still learning, relate to yours? Do you care? Does my voice matter? What if…? You fill in the blank.
I once read that a writer, especially a creative nonfiction writer—telling true stories with the creativity of fiction, needs to be ok with who they are as a person, to include: their idiosyncrasies, strengths, weaknesses, struggles, uncertainties, their questions,  their failures, as well as their successes; at least, something along those lines. In short, the requirements of this type of writer—me, means a willingness to be transparent, self-forgiving, mature, and a work in progress—meaning I do not have it all figured out.
Truth is, the real issue is me. You see, I have not been okay with me. So how in the world could I be confident with who I am as a writer. Who I am and who I was is not okay with most people—even now, as a Christian. In fact, I do not seem to fit in anywhere. Now this truth isn’t a woe is me perspective nor is it a victim’s mentality-I-want-you-to-feel-sorry-for-me-kind-of-reality. As you continue to read this series on discovering what it means to Just Be, you will understand exactly why I have arrived at this conclusion, and my response to it.

Why should this matter to you? Because, maybe you are like me, you do not quite fit in or you feel like an outsider. Because of that, you feel as if something is wrong with you. Maybe, if you change you then you would fit in. What if you have it all wrong and you are not supposed to fit in?
Come back for Part III of Just Be. I promise the inconsistency will not continue. In fact, I need you and somewhere deep inside you need me too. We may not fit in, but we are not meant to walk alone either. Just Turn the Page and journey with me, as we—together, learn how to Just Be.


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