is what is…I don’t know who said that, but I really hate that
saying. Honestly, I cannot live by that truth. However, I am not so naïve as to
think that everything that comes my way I can change. I found that is not
always the truth, but I can change how I navigate through my circumstances. I
guess that is why I love the serenity prayer so much.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
The courage to change the things I can.
And the wisdom to know the difference.
Too be honest, there are some
days I would like to just beat those words with a hammer until they are all
mangled and unreadable. I am not naturally violent so that is my lame attempt
at violence--not that I feel the need to be violent or anything--but I think you catch my drift.
pent up frustration?
Exactly six days ago, I had
another surgery on my cervical spine. This time it was a little more
complicated, but my cervical spine should become more stable as it heals.
It seems as if all my attempts at trying to keep my spine strong
were futile. Okay not completely, I did do all the right things, but my cervical
spine was too weak. I cannot change the degenerative disease affecting my spine. Just in
case you didn’t know, there is no magical workout or mystery diet that
strengthens bones, and before I found out how bad my spine really
is, I was running twenty-some miles a week, lifting weights and really enjoying
my life, well most of it anyways.
I have prayed and prayed and prayed. It does not seem
as if God is going to heal my spine…at least not supernaturally or miraculously.
It is definitely not from a lack of faith either. I firmly believe GOD HEALS. I
also believe there are times when God allows things to run its natural course.
In so doing, it does not diminish who God is. Nor does it mean that I
understand why. It just means God is Sovereign. He knows what is best.
Still, I cannot quite settle for …it is what it is…
I cannot stop the degenerative disease in my spine. I can
choose how I am going to live my life. For me, that means taking care of myself
holistically. In fact, I am a firm believer that you cannot be healthy in one
area of your life and sick in another. We are mind, body, and soul. We are
connected. My physical health has a profound effect on my emotional, mental,
and spiritual health. You can switch anyone of those areas around—the result is
Quite honestly, I think it’s a tad-bit ridiculous to
ask God for healing—even expect healing—then live however your want to live
without repercussions. I am not saying that God has a requirement for healing,
but reason mixed with faith tells me that if you want to be healthy then live
and eat healthy. I am fully aware there is some who do all the right things and
still end up with a horrible disease. I wish I could answer that one—I cannot.
I am sorry.
Nothing—I mean nothing— made sense about my mother’s
horrible disease that led to her death. However, I saw a woman, who just
accepted Christ a few years ago, cling to Christ for every breath— literally.
She surrendered the outcome to Him, no matter what. In so doing, her husband of
nearly twenty-years became a born again believer. Now that is something!
Quite honestly, 2014 has been a rough year for me. Highlights
you will get to read about in my next post Reflections
on 2014. A year full of hardships—mentally, physically, emotionally, and
spiritually. So much so, that I did not bounce back from my last surgery very
well, and now I am trying to recover from a second one.
However, reflecting always leads to pondering, which
leads to change, at least for me. There are definite changes on the horizon; not
New Year resolutions—they do not usually stick. All of which, I plan to share
with you over the next couple of weeks. So check back with me for more details.
In the meantime, drop me a line and let me know how you are doing. I would love to hear about your life or need to Just Turn the Page...
Labels: God, grace, Just Turn The Page