The Child Within


Losing someone you love is devastating. No one can escape death. However, watching someone die adds another dimension to grief. More so, when the relationship you shared is filled with regret.
I did not watch my mother die, like her husband, Bill, my two siblings, and aunt. I lived three-thousand miles away, but I felt her leave for the second time in my life, and that pain was almost unbearable.

The woman they knew was not the woman I knew. I spent the majority of my life estranged from my mother. In fact, most of my teen years and entire adulthood I spent alienated from my family. As in all relationships, this was not all one-sided. It had as much to do with me, as it did them. Nonetheless, my heart was filled with regret.

The turning point in our relationship came in 2008 when my mother came to my oldest daughter’s high school graduation. Despite the hectic schedule, we were able to share a few treasured moments together: moments of tears, apologies, holding hands, and most of all, forgiveness. Moments forever etched in my memory.  

Yet, I was still unsure. I didn’t know if I could open my heart to a woman I barely knew or understood. It would be cruel to imply that my mother intentionally hurt or rejected me. She did not. She was fighting battles I could not understand as a child. Still, dysfunctional families leave a mess in their wake. No one comes out of chaos unscathed. At the time, the woman in me knew and understood this truth. But the child in me did not.

Colors of Fate Colors of Fate Series

Labels:

Just Turn The Page: The Child Within

Tuesday, February 23, 2016

The Child Within


Losing someone you love is devastating. No one can escape death. However, watching someone die adds another dimension to grief. More so, when the relationship you shared is filled with regret.
I did not watch my mother die, like her husband, Bill, my two siblings, and aunt. I lived three-thousand miles away, but I felt her leave for the second time in my life, and that pain was almost unbearable.

The woman they knew was not the woman I knew. I spent the majority of my life estranged from my mother. In fact, most of my teen years and entire adulthood I spent alienated from my family. As in all relationships, this was not all one-sided. It had as much to do with me, as it did them. Nonetheless, my heart was filled with regret.

The turning point in our relationship came in 2008 when my mother came to my oldest daughter’s high school graduation. Despite the hectic schedule, we were able to share a few treasured moments together: moments of tears, apologies, holding hands, and most of all, forgiveness. Moments forever etched in my memory.  

Yet, I was still unsure. I didn’t know if I could open my heart to a woman I barely knew or understood. It would be cruel to imply that my mother intentionally hurt or rejected me. She did not. She was fighting battles I could not understand as a child. Still, dysfunctional families leave a mess in their wake. No one comes out of chaos unscathed. At the time, the woman in me knew and understood this truth. But the child in me did not.

Colors of Fate Colors of Fate Series

Labels:

1 Comments:

At February 25, 2016 at 12:33 AM , Blogger Bill Savage said...

It was her greatest regret.

 

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home